Chronic Illness, Relationship Tension & The Pandemic: Practical Tips For Navigating
Tensions can arise when you mix chronic illness and relationships. It seems to happen when emotions are running high, priorities shift, and we need to make adjustments to how we show up for ourselves and other people in our lives.
For those of us with chronic illness, many of us prioritize our health and well-being because it is hard-won and precious. However, sometimes our needs, personal values and decisions do not align with other people’s wishes or expectations. It can be difficult for everyone involved to adjust to the uncertainty and new priorities of the “new normal” of a chronic illness, especially during the pandemic.
What happens when your personal health decisions create tensions in your relationships?
For those of us who have been living with chronic illness for a long time, we are accustomed to making difficult decisions that prioritize our health. But, if you are new to this adventure, it can be an unexpected aspect of your diagnosis. These difficult decisions can be disappointing - for us and the people in our lives. For many of us, this has been amplified during the pandemic. We are experiencing these tensions as we do our best to make the right decisions for ourselves.
I expect it is only going to get more complicated over the holidays. So, this might be a good time to think about how we each want to approach the practicalities.
Here are 3 tips to navigating the tension:
1. Do What Is right for you
When you know what is right for you and your health and well-being, trust it!
I had a recent conversation with one of my doctors about skipping an event because I did not feel safe regarding COVID precautions. We talked about the difficulty of striking a balance between getting out and living life while doing what I need to do to take care of my health and safety. We talked about what risks might be statistically safe for me to take and what might not.
There are some imperfect scientific considerations that go into my decisions (i.e., immunization, ventilation, masking, etc.). And, some of it is purely a personal risk/benefit analysis. Without getting into all the specifics, her advice was that I need to do what is best for me. Period. Don’t worry about the noise.
I needed the reminder! I totally agree with her advice, and I have been doing my best to make the decisions that make the most sense for my health and priorities. But, it doesn’t always feel good in the short-term. And, it feels particularly sad when it impacts personal relationships in a negative way.
When you are experiencing FOMO (fear of missing out) or feeling sad about changing relationships due to making difficult decisions that prioritize your health - a well-timed reminder that you are doing what is best for you, can be a significant positive reinforcement.
Clearly, we are not going to be in alignment with everyone in our lives on what we need or want at any given time. But, we each know what is right for us more than anyone else. And, when you feel strongly about doing (or not doing) something, trust it.
Of course, expert advice can be very helpful to determine what is right for you. I am relying on my doctors’ advice quite a bit. AND, I am also relying on what I know and feel is right for me as a road-tested human with chronic illness.
2. Embrace the new etiquette
The pandemic has changed the level of directness and honesty many of us expect from each other regarding in-person gathering.
I have had some much more direct and personal interactions about determining details of meeting in-person. Prior to the pandemic, I would never dream of stipulating my requirements for meeting someone or sharing my vaccination status, recent test results, etc. But, I have lost all shame and am embracing the raw honesty of finding what works for everyone involved - in advance.
For me, it feels less stressful to be direct and make sure we meet in a way that works for each of us, especially for people with significant health considerations. And, the people who are proactive about making each other feel comfortable are demonstrating how much they care for others. That is true etiquette.
When we discuss our needs and concerns in advance, we can focus on enjoying our time together. While I find making these logistical calculations and decisions kind of exhausting, I am always grateful when people are open to discussing and following through on what we are comfortable with. On the contrary, I have less patience, and am making less space in my life, for those who are not.
3. Get support when you need it
When you need some guidance or support navigating complicated relationships and chronic illness, consider reaching out to a therapist or other mental health professional.
The emotional and relational toll of navigating chronic illness can be difficult, and leave many of us needing more emotional and mental health support as we navigate fitting chronic illness into our lives. Chronic illness is stressful, emotional and can require us to radically shift our priorities and lifestyles. Beyond the difficult practicalities of this, the emotional toll can be significant, especially when our social support shifts.
Therefore, I encourage anyone who could use some expert support to find the right mental health professional(s) for you. Most people with chronic illness greatly benefit from working with a therapist, etc. at some point in their journey. I love when my clients are partnering with a therapist while we are working together. I feel comfortable that while we are working on the more practical aspects of making changes that help them to live well with chronic illness, they have the expert support of someone on the emotional and psychological aspects - especially when those involve the moving parts of relationships.
Need more clarity?
If you want to clarify what areas of your life might need some extra support as you navigate chronic illness, take my free Chronic Wellness Challenge.
On a personal note -
The past few weeks have entailed health scares and safety close-calls for several people that are dear to me. Luckily, all of them turned out 1000 times better than they could have. But, these near misses served to emphasize that each of us is precious and worth the logistical negotiations and extra care to keep each other well.
The last few weeks have also made me realize that most of us could use a big hug right about now. Accordingly, I am sending you a virtual hug and well wishes on staying well!
I hope that you are feeling joy and gratitude for the relationships that nurture you and bring meaning to your life. And, I hope you are finding the what you need to make sure you are supported on your chronic illness journey. Reach out to me if you are interested in exploring how health coaching can help you.
What does this post bring up for you?
How do your relationships support the decisions you make to prioritize your health and well-being?
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