Chronic Illness And Unsolicited Advice
If you are living with a chronic illness, I have no doubt that you have received unsolicited advice about how to cure your illness or improve your life with it.
I would wager that the advice is almost always given with good intentions and concern for you. However, oftentimes, it can leave you feeling annoyed and condescended to, even if the advice is helpful or well-intended.
After hearing some stories from clients recently, I want to dig into this a little more because it seems important to highlight that there is a difference between sharing information with someone and disempowering or disrespecting them.
There are ways to share information with people in a caring, respectful way.
And, I think all people living with chronic illness appreciate respect. We are going through enough without feeling the need to respond to other people’s opinions that might insinuate that we are doing it wrong or could be doing it better.
Here are tips on how to give and receive advice in a way that acknowledges each other's self-determination and agency.
TIps for Giving Advice
A beautiful way to share knowledge with someone is to tell them that something is working for you (or for whomever) and you want to share the info if they are interested. I think that giving the other person some agency in whether they want to receive the information is important. It shows respect for them being capable of making decisions for themselves and knowing what is right for them.
Chronic illness can be really complicated. And, frequently, knowing someone’s diagnosis or talking about it in casual conversation does not make you aware of the nuances that only the person and their healthcare providers are aware of.
If you are in the position of offering advice to someone living with chronic illness, it is important to be respectful. You can offer advice to someone else in a way that is helpful and caring if you are mindful of how you may be received.
Here are some tips:
Keep it conversational and respectful rather than directive.
Start with something like, “xyz worked for me, do you have any interest in hearing about my experience?”
If they say not right now, show them respect and don’t go further.
If they say sure, tread lightly. Give them the basics and let it sit. Sometimes people might want to think about it and might want to research it further.
Give the other person space to make decisions for themselves and consult their healthcare providers.
If they don’t take your advice, it is not personal. Health and healthcare can be very complicated. There are a lot of moving parts that you may not be aware of.
Respect that the individual knows themself best.
TIPS FOR RECEIVING ADVICE
Usually, people who give unsolicited advice are trying to be helpful. They are either excited about something that worked for them (or someone they care about), or they heard about something and want to share it just in case this could be the one thing that completely turns your life around. That is really sweet.
But, I totally get it that sometimes when you are getting too much input, it can be really exhausting, annoying, and feel condescending - depending on who you are talking to.
I heard the best reply to unsolicited advice from one of my friends a few months ago. She said her response to unsolicited advice is something like, “Thank you for sharing that with me. I will discuss it with my healthcare team.”
That’s it. You don’t need to jump down the rabbit hole of whether you want to try it, or the merits of said practice. Just say thanks, I’ll look into it, and move on.
Of course, if it sounds like the answer to all of your prayers, feel free to go down the rabbit hole and find out more! And, if it really doesn’t, you have an out without getting too worked up about it. You might need to repeat yourself, but you don’t need to explain yourself.
For more info on tuning into what works for you: check out my blog post about Unlocking The Power Of Your Informed Intuition here.
And, for more info on the importance of being the one in charge of your health and wellness on your own terms, read this blog post.
For support on YOUR unique path to Chronically Well
check out ways to work with me through one-on-one coaching via THRIVE or Chronically Well!
Chronic Illness Health Coaching And Advice
Honestly, one of the big reasons I LOVE being a health coach is that I don’t need to give clients specific welness advice. In fact, according to my National Board of Health and Wellness Coaching board certification, I should not dole out advice unless a client asks for it. I love that I am simply there to help a client navigate what THEY want.
I can certainly brainstorm ideas with a client. I can ask them questions that result in them thinking about things differently, or drawing out what they are thinking or feeling. Or, I can answer questions that are within my scope of practice or provide information and referrals. But, mainly, I provide a framework and supportive space for helping clients figure out what works for them.
I would say that 99.999999% of the time, if I provide an idea during a brainstorming session of what a client wants to do to achieve a goal, they don’t use my idea. Don’t get me wrong, I have amazing ideas. Wink. And, my clients might use one of my ideas as an inspiration for their own idea that improves upon mine in a way that is specific to them.
But, truly, everyone I have coached comes up with their own answer. They have the self-awareness and self-determination to know what is right for them. They might need to talk it through. Or, they might need my support in implementation. But, I will never know their situation better than they do.
And, that is a wonderful thing. My clients bring their expertise on themselves and I bring my expertise on behavior change and a large dose of compassion.
It makes me happy to be on the “journey” with my clients, to be a sounding board and a support - but, knowing that they are capable enough to know what is best for them.
If you are up to your eyeballs in unsolicited advice,
don’t forget that you have significant expertise on your life, your symptoms, your values and how all of those intersect. You can take that advice or you can leave it.
You might be living your life differently than someone else would, but they are not you. You are the expert on you. And, there is no “right” way to live with chronic illness other than your way.
If you are looking for support in finding your unique way to living well with chronic illness, book a complimentary call to explore how we might work together.
What Is the best Unsolicited Advice you have received? What is the worst?
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